Living together before marriage, sometimes called cohabitation, is a hotly debated topic in religious circles. Some view it as acceptable, while others see it as sinful. In this article, we’ll explore the various perspectives on this issue and examine the evidence for and against cohabitation.
Quick Answers
Here are quick answers to some common questions about cohabitation:
What is cohabitation?
Cohabitation refers to an unmarried couple living together in an intimate, long-term relationship that resembles marriage.
What religions forbid cohabitation?
Traditional Christianity, Islam, and Judaism generally forbid cohabitation and view it as sinful. More progressive denominations may accept it.
Why do some view cohabitation as wrong?
Reasons given include: goes against Biblical teachings, promotes sexual immorality, harder to commit long-term, practice for divorce, deprives marriage of meaning.
Why do some view cohabitation as okay?
Reasons given include: practical way to test compatibility, acceptable if monogamous and committed, cultural norm, allows freedom and flexibility before marriage.
Is there evidence cohabitation impacts marriage?
Studies show cohabitation associated with higher divorce rates, lower marital satisfaction and commitment. But unclear if direct cause due to selection factors.
Religious Perspectives on Cohabitation
Most major religions have an official stance on whether cohabitation before marriage is morally permissible or sinful. Here is an overview of beliefs in different faith traditions:
Christianity
In Christianity, attitudes on cohabitation vary by denomination and individual beliefs. However, traditional and conservative groups typically view cohabitation as inconsistent with Biblical values and therefore sinful.
The Catholic Church prohibits cohabitation and states that intimacy is only acceptable between a married man and woman. Evangelical Protestants strongly oppose cohabitation, pointing to verses warning against sexual immorality. Mormons and Jehovah’s Witnesses also condemn the practice.
More liberal and progressive Christian denominations may accept cohabitation, believing the Bible’s warnings do not apply to modern committed relationships. But most maintain that marriage is the ideal relationship for intimacy.
Islam
Islam also prohibits cohabitation and premarital sexual relationships. It teaches that intimacy should only occur within a traditional marriage between husband and wife. Cohabitation and intimate relations outside marriage are considered major sins.
Judaism
Orthodox Judaism frowns upon cohabitation, as sexual relations are seen as permitted only within a traditional Jewish marriage. However, attitudes can vary among Reform or secular Jews who may personally accept cohabitation if the couple is committed and monogamous.
Other Religions
Religions like Hinduism, Buddhism and Sikhism do not outright prohibit cohabitation, but traditional values tend to emphasize marriage as the appropriate context for intimacy and family life. Cohabitation tends to be rare and seen as an alternative mainly in more secularized or progressive communities.
Reasons Some Religions Oppose Cohabitation
Below are some common reasons given by religions for viewing cohabitation as morally wrong:
It Violates Teachings to Avoid Sexual Immorality
Most faith traditions teach that intimate relationships should occur only within marriage. Cohabitation allows intimacy outside this sacred bond, which is seen as sinful “fornication.”
It Equates Trial Marriage and Weakens Real Marriage
Cohabitation resembles marriage in many ways but without true commitment. This “trial marriage” is thought to diminish the sanctity and seriousness of real matrimony.
It Often Leads to Divorce
Research indicates people who cohabit before marriage have higher divorce rates. Faith leaders believe this shows it undermines the original intent of marital commitment.
It Promotes Infidelity
Cohabiting relationships emphasize individual needs and lack the deep commitment of marriage. This is thought to enable infidelity and breakup at the first problems.
It Can Be Harmful for Children
Cohabiting couples are less likely to have children. But when they do, religious groups feel out-of-wedlock birth and unclear parenting roles are emotionally harmful to kids.
It Deprives Marriage of Meaning
Marriage is seen as a sacred relationship defined by lifelong commitment, public witness and spiritual significance. Cohabitation is thought to make marriage just a private relationship based on feelings.
Reasons Some Support Cohabitation Before Marriage
While traditional religious morals tend to oppose cohabitation, some individuals point to reasons they feel it can be an acceptable practice including:
It Allows a Trial Period
Cohabiting enables testing compatibility in roles like parenting, sharing chores, finances, etc. They feel this “trial marriage” helps couples make an informed decision.
It Is a Modern Social Norm
Cohabitation has become the norm in many cultures. Some feel religious rules should adapt rather than expect people to avoid such a common modern relationship path.
It Demonstrates Commitment Like Marriage
If a cohabiting couple is monogamous, shares responsibilities and is committed long-term, some see little moral difference from marriage.
It Allows Freedom and Flexibility
Cohabitation enables more freedom in relationships, easier separation if needed, and life experiences before settling down in marriage.
It May Strengthen Marriage If Chosen
Testing compatibility by cohabiting first could filter out bad unions and help a marriage last since incompatibility is revealed beforehand.
The Research on Cohabitation and Marital Success
A common debate around cohabitation is whether it has any impact, positive or negative, on the stability and quality of subsequent marriage. Below is a summary of key research findings:
Cohabitation Linked to Higher Divorce Rates
Numerous studies since the 1970s have found that those who cohabit before marriage are more likely to divorce afterwards, even when controlling for factors like age, education, and religiosity. The increase in divorce risk is estimated between 33-200% depending on the study.
Less Marital Satisfaction and Commitment
Cohabitors who later marry report lower marital satisfaction, more arguing, abuse, and lower commitment to partners than those who did not cohabit.
However, Causation Unclear
Researchers debate whether cohabiting itself causes the problems or whether certain types of people tend to cohabit who already had higher divorce risks for other reasons (selection effects). Most studies find both play a role.
Reduced Risk If No Prior Partners
A 2014 study found cohabitation had no impact on divorce rates if the partners had never lived with anyone else before. But divorce risk increased for those who lived with multiple romantic partners.
| Study | Main Finding |
|---|---|
| Jones & Barnett (1997) | 33% higher divorce rate if cohabited with eventual spouse before marriage |
| Teachman (2003) | Up to 200% higher divorce rates for those who cohabited premaritally |
| Jose et al. (2010) | Premarital cohabitation associated with lower marital satisfaction and commitment |
| Dush et al. (2003) | Cohabitation elevates divorce risk primarily through selection effects |
Overall, cohabitation prior to marriage does seem linked to poorer marital outcomes, especially if partners had multiple cohabiting relationships in the past. But the causal mechanisms are complex and an area of ongoing research.
Viewpoints of Major Denominations
Below summarizes the official viewpoints on cohabitation for some of the largest Christian denominations:
Catholicism
The Catholic Catechism expressly forbids cohabitation stating “Conjugal love involves a totality, in which all the elements of the person enter – appeal of the body and instinct, power of feeling and affectivity, aspiration of the spirit and of will. It aims at a deeply personal unity, a unity that, beyond union in one flesh, leads to forming one heart and soul.”
Southern Baptist
Southern Baptists strongly oppose cohabitation and invite those doing so to either commit to Biblical marriage or cease living together. The Baptist Faith and Message states that “Marriage is the uniting of one man and one woman in covenant commitment for a lifetime.”
United Methodist
The United Methodist Church cautions against cohabitation but does not outright prohibit it. They suggest couples pray and reflect deeply before living together, consider the reasons and watch for signs it may undermine a future marriage.
Assemblies of God
The Assemblies of God denomination takes a firm stance against cohabitation, stating “We hold that only marriage between a man and a woman is God’s acceptable design for the family and the basic structure of human society. We further hold that marriage is a legally and morally binding union, a covenant made in the sight of God, taking priority over all other human relationships.”
Episcopal Church
The Episcopal church has no official policy on cohabitation. Views tend to vary by individual congregations and clergy. But most encourage prayerful reflection, often favoring marriage but acknowledging the complexity of modern relationship dynamics.
Conclusion
Views on cohabitation are deeply split between traditional religious morals that prohibit the practice and more progressive perspectives open to reexamining ancient rules. While faith groups raise many valid concerns, high divorce rates suggest even following their marriage principles offers no guarantee of success. In the end, a couple’s mutual faith, commitment and character may be better predictors than whether they cohabit or not. But more research is still needed to clarify the true risks and benefits involved.