Do narcissists feel love and emotion? The short answer is yes, narcissists do experience feelings of love and other emotions. However, the way they process emotions tends to be different from most people. Their emotional experiences are often tied to their sense of grandiosity and need for admiration. Narcissists crave attention and validation, which can drive their emotional experiences. They may express feelings of love when it suits their needs, but have difficulty with true intimacy and empathy. Overall, narcissists are capable of emotional experiences, but those experiences are filtered through their egocentric worldview.
What is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a mental health condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a need for excessive admiration, and a lack of empathy. Key traits of NPD include:
- Grandiose sense of self-importance
- Preoccupation with fantasies of success, power, beauty, etc.
- Belief they are special and unique
- Need for excessive admiration
- Sense of entitlement
- Exploitative tendencies
- Lack of empathy
- Envious of others or believes others are envious of them
- Arrogant behaviors or attitudes
NPD affects about 6% of the U.S. population. It’s more common in men than women. NPD often develops in childhood or teenage years. It is a lifelong pattern of behaviors rather than temporary feelings. Without treatment, narcissistic personality traits tend to persist into older age.
Do Narcissists Experience Love?
Yes, those with NPD are capable of feeling and expressing love in romantic relationships. However, the love narcissists feel is often tied to meeting their ego needs rather than caring deeply for a partner. Narcissists crave admiration and validation. They may “love” partners who provide this for them. However, their feelings tend to be based on what others provide for them rather than giving unconditionally in a relationship.
When narcissists first enter relationships, they often appear charming and loving. They may profess declarations of love and commitment very quickly in a relationship. However, this honeymoon phase eventually ends. Narcissists struggle to maintain long-term relationships once the excitement wears off.
Their “love” may turn into emotional abuse, manipulation, and exploitation of their partner. They lack empathy and interest in their partner’s needs and feelings. Their focus remains on themselves. They may also express jealousy and excessive control over their partner. Essentially, narcissists view love relationships as transactional, a means to validate their ego rather than experience true intimacy.
Do narcissists fall out of love easily?
Yes, in general, narcissists tend to fall out of love easily. Their feelings are often based on idealization and excitement rather than true bonding and attachment. When relationships inevitably have conflicts or challenges, narcissists become disappointed. The relationship no longer feeds their ego in the way it once did. They start to lose interest and move on.
Narcissists have a constant need for validation and excitement from partners. This is difficult to sustain long-term in the naturally evolving dynamic of an intimate relationship. Partners who once seemed perfect become “boring” or “annoying” to the narcissist once the honeymoon phase ends. The narcissist then seeks affirmation elsewhere, either with new relationship partners or other sources of admiration.
Overall, narcissists’ “love” tends to be shallow and selfish rather than unconditional caring. When a relationship is no longer stroking a narcissist’s ego, they can readily discard their partner and move onto other sources of admiration and attention. Their love was never very deep to begin with.
Do Narcissists Feel Other Emotions?
Yes, narcissists do experience the full range of human emotions just like anyone else. However, they process emotions differently than most people in some key ways:
Emotions May Be Shallow
Narcissists tend to experience emotions in a shallow way. They may express feelings dramatically in order to get attention. Or they react strongly to minor slights or criticisms due to their extreme sensitivity. However, their emotions tend to pass quickly rather than run very deep. Things that most people find emotional affecting often do not impact narcissists on a profound level. They lack emotional depth and empathy.
Emotions Tied to Ego
The emotions that narcissists feel most strongly tend to involve their sense of ego. Feelings like shame, envy, anxiety, and anger occur frequently. These emotions revolve around others not properly recognizing their importance or being inferior to them in some way. Narcissists feel these ego-centric emotions intensely and for prolonged periods. But they struggle to connect to emotions that require vulnerability or empathy.
Manipulation of Others’ Emotions
Narcissists often strategically manipulate the emotions of people around them. They may provoke jealousy in a partner to get attention. Or they may try to provoke emotions like pity or sympathy from others. Making others feel strong emotions in reaction to the narcissist helps affirm their sense of power and importance. The emotions of others are tools to feed the narcissist’s ego rather than experiences requiring empathy.
Lack of Emotional Regulation
Despite their grandiose posturing, narcissists often feel internally fragile. Their emotional experience is unstable. Seemingly small criticisms or failures can provoke intense feelings of shame, anger, and humiliation. Their positive feelings also fluctuate greatly based on external conditions. Narcissists have difficulty regulating their emotions effectively. Outbursts of rage or breakdowns into tears occur when their ego feels threatened.
Do Narcissists Grieve Loss Normally?
No, narcissists tend to have abnormal grief responses to losses for a few key reasons:
- They lack emotional depth and empathy, making it difficult to connect deeply to a lost person.
- They may experience intense feelings of shame or rage if they feel the loss threatens their ego in some way.
- They envy the attention given to the surviving loved ones rather than grieving the loss.
- Losses are processed through a lens of how it impacts themselves rather than the deceased person.
- Grief may be used as a means of getting narcissistic supply (attention, praise, etc.).
Rather than grieving the loss of the person, narcissists personalize the death in terms of its effects on themselves. They may become preoccupied with their own mortality and aging process. Or they may react strongly to perceived slights or lack of attention during mourning from others.
Narcissists often struggle when they are not the center of attention after a loved one’s death. The outpouring of care and concern for the grieving family members provokes jealousy and resentment in them. They envy the fact that someone else is receiving sympathy rather than themselves.
Overall, narcissists lack the capacity to grieve losses with maturity, empathy and perspective. They make the loss about themselves rather than honoring the deceased. Their volatile emotions during grief often end up making the process more difficult for others.
Can Narcissists Change or Feel Empathy with Treatment?
Treating narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) can be challenging. Because lack of empathy and exaggerated self-focus are core traits of NPD, the individual often does not recognize problems in their thinking or behavior. However, with proper motivation and the right treatment approach, those with NPD can learn to relate to others in healthier ways.
Key factors that support change in narcissists include:
- Hitting “rock bottom” moments that reveal consequences of narcissism
- Connecting narcissistic acts to psychological pain or life problems
- Having co-occurring mental health issues that increase motivation
- Participating in psychotherapy focused on building empathy
- Making amends to those harmed by their behaviors
With sustained therapy, narcissists can learn to shift from an ego-centric perspective to greater emotional empathy. This involves gaining awareness of how their behaviors impact others. From there, they can develop self-regulation skills to manage their reactions. Narcissists can learn to identify situations that trigger their self-focus and jealousy and respond in healthier ways.
However, progress is often one step forward, two steps back. Their sense of superiority and entitlement tends to resurface periodically, requiring further work. Maintaining behavioral changes over a lifetime also proves difficult. But many narcissists are able to achieve improved relationships through therapy. With dedication and hard work, increasing empathy and emotional depth is possible in NPD.
Conclusion
Narcissists are capable of emotional experiences, including feelings of love. However, their emotions are often based on unstable foundations. Rage, shame, envy and anxiety come easily, while softer emotions like empathy, sorrow and poignancy tend to be lacking. Their feelings get tied to ego needs rather than authentic human connection. Treatment approaches that build self-awareness, empathy and healthy coping strategies demonstrate promise in improving narcissists’ emotional landscapes. But progress is gradual and ongoing self-work is required. In summary, even in narcissism some capacity exists for deeper emotional experiences to develop over time.